Transform self-doubt to inner strength in 5 steps

  Found this inspiring post from Dawn Serra on Self Doubt. She discusses the debilitating power of self-doubt, how "making yourself happy" is damaging, and offers empowering steps to conquer self-doubt and transform it into inner strength.

In Dawns' post - "When you're overwhelmed with self doubt", she explains self-doubt as:  "the darkness trying to suffocate me." That her thoughts turned to "hopelessness and worry, shame and discouragement." And that she was "doubting her gifts, doubting her talent, doubting her dreams, doubting whether she deserved ... well anything.

I have been here. Her words resonated. I've had this same discussion with friends. But this spiral of self-doubt has led me to depression and a desire to give up. 

Sometimes staying focused and strong is WORK. She is right about "doubts creeping in- about whether you're good enough." 

One of my greatest failings is my perfectionism. If it isn't going to be "PERFECT" I don't want to do it. Then nothing gets done, nothing is attempted. This blog has been a victim of that.

Started this blog in 2009 but never felt I wrote anything good enough. So I didn't publish much. Dawn's right - "doubt turns into anxiety.. taking you down the rabbit hole", eventually I stopped writing. For 5+ years this blog had only 13 published posts. 


(FYI: an earlier post, on doing your own skin cancer self check, is the most popular and viewed. Go figure.)


Then last year I took Mom and I to Bob Cohen's "Social Media Marketing" classes. His 4 classes covered the basics, ending with blogging. His tips inspired me to start again. Since last October I have been posting on this blog consistently. 

Are they perfect? No. Do I still post them? Yes..., after much angst, editing and self-doubt, I actually hit the publish key.

Overcoming self-doubt and anxiety is a struggle. I have been told -don't worry, be happy - as if I can force happiness into my life.

Dawn points out that "no one can be happy all the time. The happiness police who insist you need to keep your vibrations high, your spirits up, your joyful smile plastered on your face are lying." 

She continues that "not only has science shown (check out her cool link) that making yourself happy all the time can be damaging, but when you deny yourself those tastes of darkness you forget just how brilliant the light can be."

I am going to give you a moment to digest that. 

Personally I find it freeing that I don't have to force myself into HAPPY-HAPPY JOY-JOY mode. 

I agree with her sentiment that being "overwhelmed with self-doubt,.. usually means you're either following your dreams or you're contemplating big change - something scary - and so, your doubt and anxiety are attempting to silence your truth, to keep you safe".

Being uncomfortable in my skin, and life, has been a sign for me that a change is coming. I don't like feeling that way, nor am I fond of change. But since I realized that one proceeded the other I know to be on the lookout.

"Living a life ripe with meaning and love" is our purpose according to Dawn. Not Hollywood's idea of love but "the kind of love that requires vulnerability, courage and deep understanding of self."

"And meaning?" Dawn definition: "meaningfulness requires risk.. being seen...requires failure and big dreams..." Oh, goody my friend "failure". One guess as to which perfectionist here is thrilled by that idea. But she did say "risk."

"The scariest choice to make" Dawn states, "is often the one we most want. The one that will lift us up higher, or set us free, or rip us wide open."

This post was powerful, inspiring and gave permission to "roll around in the darkness from time to time." But then you move ahead using this powerful process she learned from mindfulness experts. 


I am going to paraphrase the points of this mindfulness technique so I encourage you to read Dawn Sera's blog for the details: 
"When you are overwhelmed with Self-Doubts."

5 STEPS TO TRANSFORM SELF-DOUBT 

INTO INNER STRENGTH 

1. Name your feelings

Anxiety, Doubt, Fear. What ever is raging within you, NAME IT. "Because awareness is a powerful tool of transformation."

2. Breathe 

Be Present, be in your body. Focus on precisely what is going on around you, at that moment. Are you sitting, what do you hear, are you cats purring on your lap. Be in the here and now.

3. Visualize Strength

Imagine something powerful that draws on your strength. Dawn sees her self strapping on "battle-worn armor...that fits perfectly...and is are reminder of battles she has fount and won before." See yourself doing great things.

4. Visualize Peace and Serenity. 

Now see yourself in a place you find calming, serenity, inspiring. Your favorite beach or gardens.

5. Invite

Now welcome love, peace and strength into yourself, to your loved ones and into the world. This final step is the most important.  
(tempted to title this "Visualize Whirled Peas". )  

Even small puny potted leafy twigs scan transform into strong, full plants

These steps are one version of a Loving-Kindness meditation.  This meditation curbs self-criticism. And it strengthens you physically, emotionally and cognitively.

Dawn states that "by making yourself part of a larger whole, you start to gain new perspective that is tremendously calming and up-lifting." And she gives us the science to back that up.

Meditation is a skill many of us, myself included, are still trying to perfect. This Loving-Kindness technique is one that is not only do-able but gets me to engage my imagination. 

This final quote from Dawn's blog is a beautifully written affirmation that had to be shared.

"Living unleashed from expectation isn't easy. But you do have the strength inside of you. You do deserve to be heard, feel seen, know the warmth of the sun on your face." 
(As long as you remember your SPF of course. I'm an esthetician - what did you expect.)

Have you used meditation to overcome self-doubts and fears? Do you have other tools that you recommend? Share them in the comments to inspire and lift-up each other.


Michelle G. Lathe, L.E.